i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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