ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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