i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
