she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
