you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
