i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
