You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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