An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
