I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
