They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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