just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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