Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
