with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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