oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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