Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
