Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
