Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
