from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
