she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
