The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
