I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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