my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
