just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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