I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
