Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
