How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
