I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
