called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It's official drugs can't kill me
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
