I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
