ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
