she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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