dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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