i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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