So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Best friends brother. Beat that.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
