so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
