she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Pooping to opera.
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