There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
