I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
