i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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