No stitches, just platelets and will power
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
