doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
