I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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