Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
