me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Drunk is not a location!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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