Have you finally orgasmed yet?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
