I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
