and she was petting her beer can
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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