i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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