woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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