I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
