my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
